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in our life vs. in our lives? | WordReference Forums
Main Post: in our life vs. in our lives? | WordReference Forums
grammar - When to use "lives" as a plural of life? - English Language & Usage Stack Exchange
Main Post: grammar - When to use "lives" as a plural of life? - English Language & Usage Stack Exchange
Do people actually think Days of Our Lives is good?
Main Post:
I'm judging from like 10 minutes of one episode, so maybe its not fair but man what I saw was abysmal. The acting was horrendous and so was the editing. Do people watch it because it is so bad that it is funny or what? Genuinely curious, really not meaning to insult anyone if they actually like it, I am just ,as I said, curious.
Top Comment:
It was better with Dr. Drake Ramoray
TIFU my whole life. My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad
Main Post:
TIFU. More like more whole life really.
Hi, I my name's John. I've been lurking for a while, but I've finally made an account to post this. I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a 46 year old banker and I have been living my whole life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week. For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for everything, which eventually changed who I was.
Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I realised I missed my father's funeral FOR NOTHING. I didn't complete my novel, travelling the world, helping the homeless. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties. If my younger self had met me today, I would have punched myself in the face. I'll get to how those dreams were crushed soon.
Let's start with a description of me when I was 20. It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was going to change the world. People loved me, and I loved people. I was innovative, creative, spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I had two dreams. The first, was writing a utopic/dystopic book. The second, was travelling the world and helping the poor and homeless. I had been dating my wife for four years by then. Young love. She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book was going to change the world. I would show the perspective of the 'bad' and the 'twisted', showing my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that people never think what the do is wrong. I was 70 pages through when i was 20. I am still 70 pages in, at 46. By 20, I had backpacking around New Zealand and the Phillipines. I planned to do all of Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia by the way). To date, I have only been to New Zealand and the Phillipines.
Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live, when the job was my life? After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. God, I can't remember the last time I've made love to my wife.
Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long time, but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt. She says it's because I've changed. I'm not the person I was. What have I been doing in the last 10 years? Outside of work, I really can't say anything. Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am I? What happened to me? I didn't even ask for a divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my wife has been cheating on me, but because I am now realising I have been dying inside. What happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic person that was me, hungering to change the world? I remember being asked on a date by the most popular girl in the school, but declining her for my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the girls in high school. In university/college too. But i stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied everyday.
Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I told you about? That was all in the first few years of college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't remember a time I spend anything on anything fun. On anything for myself. What do I even want now?
My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off, hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I got my promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years. When he died, I told myself it didn't matter what I didn't see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that being dead, it wouldn't matter anyway. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Rationalizing everything, making excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination. It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that financial security was the most important thing. I now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing nothing with my energy, when I had it. My passions. My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I regret being an awful husband, a money-making machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
If you're reading this, and you have a whole life ahead of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy, your passions. Don't stay on the internet with all your spare time (unless your passion needs it). Please, do something with your life while your young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be like me.
Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.
TL:DR I realised I let procrastination and money stop me from pursuing my passions when I was younger, and now I am dead inside, old and tired.
Edit: I am quite overwhelmed at the response, thank you for your time. I had posted on a whim, and did not expect the reception.
In regards to my post, I must admit I was quite emotional at the time. As I read what I had written earlier, I can't stop myself from noticing an abundance of spelling and grammatical mistakes, phrases that I would not usually say. I don't think I have used Capital Locks so much in my life. However I will not edit them. That would not do it justice.
I have read many of the replies and will try my best to answer the reoccurring questions. I will add that the replies have given me a new perspective of life, Reddit and humanity in general. The amount of encouragement and humour persists to amaze me. Despite my situation, I even found myself laughing at a few of the comments.
What my plans are. I am planning to cut down my hours substantially. I will take a new job if I have to, as I am relatively well-off. I am going to talk to my wife. Divorce is currently not what I have in mind and I hope that our communication and relationship will improve. If it doesn't, then so be it. We will both move on. I see there are quite a number of negative comments about her, however I am going to have to say in her defence, she really is a lovely person. She is smart, empathetic and has a great sense of humour. I'm not saying it was okay for her to do what she did, but she's not an evil person. I know that. We were both in the fault. We let communication dwindle, and with it, our relationship. There is so much more to being a head of house than just being able to bring in the money. A steady balance of emotional connection, love and finance is what I will strive to give.
My son. I don't any anything about him. I really don't. I have unknowingly distanced myself from him; I only see him around dinner time. I do not recall having a proper conversation with him, it's quite preposterous now that I think about it. I'm not exactly sure how I'll start bonding with him, I have become quite a boring person. However, I plan to change that. I refuse to be a poor role model. I will ensure that he does not make the same mistake I did with my family. I have decided I am going to start watching his basketball games and rugby games on Saturdays. I never have, due to work, but I will ensure that I do. Perhaps I will even play video games with him. There was a time I had a collection of SNES games, and I wasn't half bad either. Who knows, I might really connect with my son, and it seems to be something he enjoys.
In regards to the novel and travelling, I admit, I am a different person from my youth. I no longer have the creativity and desire to complete the novel. When I found the long-forgotten 70 pages, the writing was no longer mine. I have changed substantially in 26 years. I am sorry to disappoint as so many of you seemed incredibly keen to read it. However, I am just as excited to read the stories of all of you aspiring writers that have expressed their passion! The travelling, I might still do. Family trips probably, in the school holidays. Maybe with my wife every now and then, if she'd have me.
I can't turn back time and see my father for a final time, though my mother is still alive. She lives in London, so visits are quite difficult. However, I will make an effort to see her. I do love my parents. I only wish I had not prioritised them as I did.
In regards to the advice I have given. I stand by what I said. Live your life. Do not procrastinate and let lethargy stop you. However, I might add, avoid living in poverty. I have had the good fortune to have had never experienced hunger or homelessness. I would imagine chasing your ambitions and being happy would be considerable more difficult without proper nutrition and living standards! I believe someone mentioned their dream was financial stability. I say, that is just as valiant as any dream to have. We are all different and are missing different things in our lives, be honest with yourself and you'll know what you really want. I believe there were arguments upon my language and university/college or what not. I will clarify that, although Australians generally call tertiary education 'university' here, I have made small efforts to pertain to Americans, as they are the main users, at least I assume. And yes, university/college was free when I attended. I believe Australians now are able to attend them relatively free (upfront) and can pay their fees after they graduate.
I believe I have covered the general scope of questions.
P.S. Thank you for the gold, I do appreciate it, but they aren't of real value to me. Perhaps if Reddit ever includes a re-gifting gold feature, I will gift them to some of the commenters. And yes, please stop sending me gold! I also believe someone tried to even donate to me? I assure you, money is not what I read. Please save it for yourself!
I don't think I'll come back to Reddit, unless i hear about a way to re-gift gold. I thank you all for your sympathy, your time, and I wish all the best for those in difficult situations. I have faith in your capacity and ability to change, to become happy, to help yourselves. Because after all, you're the person in the best position to. And no, I am not considering religion, I just do not have the correct mindset. I am logical to the point that I cannot, however that is not to say religion isn't bad, it gives people the hope and sense after death which I really do envy.
Sincerest of Regards,
John.
Top Comment: I usually lurk too, but your post for some reason caught my eye and I connected with it. I don't know why. I'm one of those idealistic 20-somethings that you describe as your past-self. But I'm not here to tell you about myself, I want to tell you about my grandfather. I don't know a lot about my grandfather's younger years, because he was very distant from my mother, and my family. He was divorced from my grandmother, and was vaguely in and out of his daughter's life as she grew up, so she barely knew him. There are very few pictures of him throughout my childhood, only a couple here and there when he'd drop in for a visit every few years. I hardly knew the guy. Then one day in my teens, something changed. He started showing up more and more. This guy I once knew as my distant grandpa, who never wanted anything to do with me growing up, was increasingly becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life. He quit smoking after 50 years. He quit drinking. He took up new hobbies. He came to my piano recitals. He even moved to a town nearby so he could spend more time with us. To this day, I don't know what caused him to change, but I think it must have been something similar to the realization that you have described. Only difference was that he was in his late-60s when he realized he had forgotten his friends, family, and himself for a generation and a half! He's been a huge part of my family for about the last 10+ years now; I love him to death, and forgive him for forgetting us, because he is such a great person now. I guess I just want to give you some hope, as someone who might be a little more in your family's position. I want to give you hope that if you open up to your family and friends again, they will find a place in their hearts for you. Go do all those things you wish you had done, and take your family and friends! Travel, play, explore, invent, write, build, and above all, love and forgive yourself. EDIT: Wow, thank you SO much for all your wonderful comments and for the Reddit Gold! Logged on today and had no idea my story made such an impact! To answer a lot of your comments about asking my grandfather what changed, I think I will ask him some day. I do know he's been working on a memoir that he won't let anyone near until after he dies, and I think it did have a lot to do with his failing health and coming to terms with his mortality. He's a pretty cynical guy too, which I can respect. Very inspiring to hear that many others have had similar experiences!
Reddit - The heart of the internet
Main Post: Reddit - The heart of the internet
Redditors who are happy / satisfied with life. Why?
Main Post: Redditors who are happy / satisfied with life. Why?
Top Comment: Roughly 12 years ago, while sitting in my boss' office being told that they were discontinuing my employment, I could do nothing but stare at a small word plaque he always had on his desk. I'd seen it hundreds of times over the last 5 years, and read it but never really read it. It was a quote by Charles R. Swindoll about "Attitude". It reads: "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes." I read it for the first time in that moment. Immediately, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, stood up, shook his hand and said "Thank you for the opportunity over the last 5 years." I walked out the door, calmly. As I got into my beat up Subaru and pulled out of the parking lot for the last time, I couldn't stop smiling. I was genuinely happy for the first time in my adult life. I'd always struggled with low self esteem, self-loathing etc... But somehow that previously insignificant paperweight etched into my brain. That moment was literally a defining moment, and turning point in my life. My perspective changed. I thank God every day for what I have, and worry not about what I don't have. If I have no control over something, I let it go (as my wife loves to sing to my daughter). I have the option to want and constantly seek more, and to be negative, to not appreciate what I have.........or I have the option to be thankful, happy, and stay in control of my attitude. I've developed a motto since that day: Every day I wake up on the green side of the grass is a good day. Everything else is trivial. Now here I am.....34, married to a woman who's positively out of my league with a beautiful daughter who thankfully looks like my wife, I'm successful.....but most of all, I'm happy. Genuinely happy. TL:DR - I realized that my attitude is the only thing I truly have control over, and have since been happy. EDIT: Holy crap. I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did. Thank you all for the kind words, upvotes, and the random stranger for the gold! I love you all!
Adults of Reddit, how do you make your life worth living?
Main Post:
We wake up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch TV, eat supper, go to bed, repeat. Live for the weekend, then spend those fleeting moments wishing they wouldn't end. It seems like We can't afford to live because we're too busy keeping ourselves alive. So how do you make it through this, knowing today will be the same as every day, week, month, and year that's coming?
Top Comment: Live for the weekend? LIVE FOR THE WEEKEND? Fuck, I don't have a weekend. I have two days off a week and one of them is Sunday when nothing happens. I'm living that same life at the moment, eat, work, sleep, internet. The things that are keeping me going at the moment are my job (which is easy, not too social, and apart from me only has two other people working) and I just got a puppy. Also, I'm saving to go to America and do a soul-searching cross-country drive there - because I can.
Unreligious people of reddit, What's the meaning of life?
Main Post: Unreligious people of reddit, What's the meaning of life?
Top Comment: There isn't any meaning. Life is just life. Everyone lives it differently. Life is about experiencing, learning, trying things but it doesn't mean it's the intent or goal of life. It just is and you make it what you want. And if you want it or needs it to be about being the best person possible or as a test to go to heaven..good on you sure why not. But I don't think it's an universal truth. I'm an agnostic so I'm unreligious but not opposed to the idea of a God. The thing is I just don't focus on that. It's something that's uncertain and I think it's fine for it to be that way. The same goes for life. Life's an uncertain thing but it's fine. Everything is kinda uncertain. It's just a different outlook all together rather than different priorities. At least for me. I can't speak for everyone but I'm pretty sure most unreligious people would agree with that.
What was the best change you ever made in your life?
Main Post: What was the best change you ever made in your life?
Top Comment: I started to walk with my head up rather than looking at the ground. That first tiny step meant over the next couple years my confidence improved dramatically
Reddit - The heart of the internet
Main Post: Reddit - The heart of the internet